The Lawnmower Accident

So yesterday I get home and my landscape guy’s truck is in the driveway and a lawn mower is lying in the middle of the front lawn on its side with gasoline running out of the tank.

I saw blood all over the sidewalk and a note on my door saying, “Mr. Frazier, one of my guys had accident. Go to hospital with him. Will be back for the truck and equipment tonight. – Esteban”

Oh boy, I thought, I hope the guy is okay, and…here comes a big hit on the home owners’ insurance. So I head back down the sidewalk to get Esteban’s card from my car to call him and see how bad his poor worker got hurt. Along the way I spot the gruesome evidence of the injury, a piece of shoe leather and a severed human toe next to the overturned lawn mower. So I snatch the toe up and carry it into the house where I stuff it into a zip-lock bag full of ice.

I dial up 911 and they send out an ambulance and a squad car.

The cops show up first and I tell the officer that someone had cut their toe off and it needs to be transported to the hospital on the off chance that it might be re-attachable. The cop calls in to dispatch and his lieutenant tells him he’s not qualified to transport human body parts unless they’re wrists in cuffs and headed to jail. So he waits with me pending the EMT arrival and we trade war stories about law enforcement in Grapevine vs. Greenville, where I used to be a cop.

The ambulance rolls up finally, and a paramedic jumps out and asks , “We got a call that there’s a second amputation victim here?” I told him no, just part of one, and show him the toe in the plastic bag.

“Whaddya want us to do with it?” he asks.

I repeated my claim that the guy it used to be attached to would probably appreciate someone transporting it to the ER where maybe it could be re-attached.

The paramedic tells me he’s not a taxi service or FedEx and they only transport the part of the human with the head and brains attached to the hospital if the loose ends aren’t in close proximity on the initial pick-up.

So I’m standing there holding a severed toe in a baggie and trying to decide whether I should just jump in my car and take the thing to the ER myself when the obvious solution hit me like a lead freight train:

I called a toe truck.

avatar Greybeard

Had me going for a minute.
But I have landed at scenes where grandpa had his four-year-old grandchild in front of him on the riding mower and something like this happened, disemboweling the youngster.
It makes for VIVID memories for all concerned, believe me.

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