Meat Loaf Concert and Another Tick Off the Bucket List

Non-official "Braver Than We Are" cover art
Meat Loaf teaser Non-official album cover for “Braver Than We Are”

SCORE! I just bagged some of the best seats in the house to see Meat Loaf October 28th at the Verizon Theater in Grand Prairie, Texas with Kelli Nicole Frazier and Robin Frazier.

You should get tickets, too, so you can validate the glowing review I’m going to write based on my personal objective, unbiased, fanatic worship of the Baron of Bombast.

The new album is only the third full collaboration of all time between Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman, the original song writer and architect of Bat Out of Hell and Bat Out of Hell II: Back Into Hell. This is the cocktail of talent that produced two of the best selling albums of all time and my crystal ball says “Braver Than We Are” will be an astonishing event as lightening strikes thrice.

Click here for Meat Loaf 2015 Tour Dates

What My Beloved Wife and VSF&L Gave me for Christmas

For home invasions or the Zombie Apocalypse
For home invasions or the Zombie Apocalypse
For a long time I’ve lusted ater a .45 ACP carbine. My only hope was to save enough cash for a Thompson or settle for a cheap bulky Hi Point.

Until Beretta revealed the CX4 Storm in 2003. Robin got me the .45 ACP model (with a little help from Brother Sasquatch). I’m now totally prepped for a cast extra role on Battle Star Galactica as well (Although the barrel shrouds on the BSG props make them look like some sort of proctology instrument).

Walking Dead Should Have Frustration in the Title of Every Episode

zombieI’m a late arriving fan of “The Walking Dead”. I was four seasons late getting on board the “Breaking Bad” train and the wagon still hasn’t arrived for me to join the hordes of followers who still go rabid over “The Wire”.

I like to dive into a series and watch them in marathon sittings of several hours each after they’ve been released on Netflix or Amazon.

I’ve never been much for tolerating cliffhangers. I like to get the anticlimactic moment of finding out we’ll never know who shot J.R. because it was all a dream over and done with in the time it takes the to click “Watch next episode” on the Google TV remote.

But WD is driving me insane. You’d think that two or three months into a zombie apocalypse the characters would start figuring out that t-shirts and jeans are not effective armor against zombies. And that eventually all the ammunition is going to run out and it’s time to start turning car leaf springs into swords and spears. Especially when every report from the muzzle of a firearm is known to draw in hordes of hungry unwrapped mummies (let’s face it, is there really any difference between a zombie and a naked mummy?).

But the writers for WD are banking heavily on our ability to suspend disbelief. We’re expected to assume that if we were all standing outside a tottering old barn with a hundred or so flesh eating zombies trapped inside it would be perfectly reasonable to have a loud, obnoxious argument so they could hear their food calling and get real riled up.

Do they seriously think we’d believe that half the population would die sitting inside their cars with their hands still on the steering wheels as if they’d be flash frozen instead of going down with a fever that should have turned them into revived Walkers. There’s no explanation for those corpses sitting there as if they’d been turned to pillars of salt.

So here’s some advice for next season, writers of “The Walking Dead”. Zombies are the characters in your TV show, not your audience.

Have the zombie children get discovered and killed off within two episodes. Kids don’t last in the woods longer than that even when there aren’t ravenous undead galavanting about the countryside.

Have that idiot deputy come to his senses and break into a motorcycle shop for some CE racing leathers and body armor. A few motorcycle helmets and leather gloves would be helpful too for defending against ghouls who have nothing but teeth and fingernails for weapons.

And for Stephen King’s sake, have the characters find something more substantial to have screaming matches about other than who gets to carry a pea shooter revolver that nobody can dare use because of the noise anyway.

By the way, thanks for killing off the groups’ gun control nut and Shane. They were both wearing pretty thin on me.

All that said, this is the most engaging zombie apocalypse series ever. Just remember that the audience members have pre-apocalypse brains and try to keep it just a little more real.

The Lawnmower Accident

So yesterday I get home and my landscape guy’s truck is in the driveway and a lawn mower is lying in the middle of the front lawn on its side with gasoline running out of the tank.

I saw blood all over the sidewalk and a note on my door saying, “Mr. Frazier, one of my guys had accident. Go to hospital with him. Will be back for the truck and equipment tonight. – Esteban”

Oh boy, I thought, I hope the guy is okay, and…here comes a big hit on the home owners’ insurance. So I head back down the sidewalk to get Esteban’s card from my car to call him and see how bad his poor worker got hurt. Along the way I spot the gruesome evidence of the injury, a piece of shoe leather and a severed human toe next to the overturned lawn mower. So I snatch the toe up and carry it into the house where I stuff it into a zip-lock bag full of ice.

I dial up 911 and they send out an ambulance and a squad car.

The cops show up first and I tell the officer that someone had cut their toe off and it needs to be transported to the hospital on the off chance that it might be re-attachable. The cop calls in to dispatch and his lieutenant tells him he’s not qualified to transport human body parts unless they’re wrists in cuffs and headed to jail. So he waits with me pending the EMT arrival and we trade war stories about law enforcement in Grapevine vs. Greenville, where I used to be a cop.

The ambulance rolls up finally, and a paramedic jumps out and asks , “We got a call that there’s a second amputation victim here?” I told him no, just part of one, and show him the toe in the plastic bag.

“Whaddya want us to do with it?” he asks.

I repeated my claim that the guy it used to be attached to would probably appreciate someone transporting it to the ER where maybe it could be re-attached.

The paramedic tells me he’s not a taxi service or FedEx and they only transport the part of the human with the head and brains attached to the hospital if the loose ends aren’t in close proximity on the initial pick-up.

So I’m standing there holding a severed toe in a baggie and trying to decide whether I should just jump in my car and take the thing to the ER myself when the obvious solution hit me like a lead freight train:

I called a toe truck.